Sometimes when we step out into the dating world, we find ourselves in a social situation that can feel off-center, desperate, or negative. Here are a few things you can do:
• Leave. Go somewhere where you feel welcome and safe. You never have to do anything or be anywhere that is that uncomfortable for you to find love.
• If you can't leave, take a moment to go off by yourself. Excuse yourself. Go outside for a walk or take a bathroom break. Think of someone or something you love or a place that is soothing.
• If you’re on a date and you’re nervous (can’t talk, or feel as if you’re talking too much), take a moment to show interest in your date. Ask them a question and just give them your full attention. This shifts the focus from you to them and gives both of you an opportunity to connect.
• Take several, long, slow, deep breaths. I usually inhale for 4 counts, hold (lightly) for 4, and then exhale in 8 counts.
• Ask yourself, what idea is upsetting me? Remember when your heart is racing that you’ve gone to a survival level. The tendency is to fight or flee. Look beyond this moment and question how significant this will be 24 hours from now.
• If you are reacting to something someone has said to you, ask yourself how you would react if you thought that they’ve told you something ridiculously untrue. Kathryn Alice refers to it as the “green hair” technique.
• Consider keeping a small card or two with an uplifting affirmation or funny quote in your pocket or purse. Pull it out and read it.
Hugs,
Lisa
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